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COMEBACKS FOR SMOKERS |
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January 2000 (Adjust the following quotes to fit the situation, use separately or in combinations ~ practice.)
1- Most people start rubbing their eyes. This type of person doesn't have the wherewithal to say anything, but don't let them get away with it. Force them to say something. "Are your eyes bothering you?" They'll say something like: "I'm allergic to (cigarette) smoke." Or "I have allergies." Or maybe something a little harsher. Whatever they say, don't let it rattle you. Comeback: "Yes, I've noticed people who don't smoke are plagued with all kinds of allergies and illnesses. They get lots of colds and flues too. You poor thing. I'm sorry, let me move a little farther away (or down-breeze) from you." Do not put your cigarette out !!! If they say nothing and give you the look: "I thought my smoking may be bothering you because you're rubbing your eyes. I know people who don't smoke are...(etc. from above)..and flues too. If my smoke is bothering you, I'll move farther away." 2- If you see another smoker being harassed, walk over to the battle scene, smile & nod your head "Yes" to the non-smoker (making them think you're a non-smoker; don't say anything) and at the most opportune moment (that special moment when the attacker feels they're doing a wonderful job in your eyes,) light up a cigarette. The attacker is now thrown off guard, out-numbered and ego deflated; all without a single word from you. You may want to invite the other smoker to have a cup of coffee with you. Walk away together; leaving the attacker standing there alone. At least engage in conversation with the other smoker; leading them away from the attacker. The object is to abandon the attacker; not even having spoken to them is an added bonus. 3-
1- "This is the Smoking Section" sign. These signs are available, but you can also make your own by folding (tent-like) a piece of light weight cardboard or plastic & writing on both sides & placing it in a conspicuous spot in your home. Then when a visitor says something like, "You can tell a smoker lives here" you can point to the sign and say, "Of course. And a smoker pays the mortgage (rent.)" 2-
1- Doctors (and sometimes their assistants), God bless them, almost always give you the opportunity to say something; either because they want to or they are instructed to. And all too many times they don't even bother to examine you before they blame whatever you're there for, on smoking. Here are some comebacks. "We're not going there." "What would you test for if I didn't smoke." "If I took your evaluation at face value, you treated me accordingly and the result to me was irreparable damage because the real problem remained untreated,~ would we be talking malpractice here?" or "~ I'm not in the mood for a malpractice suit." "That's a cop-out ! How presumptuous of you. And you get paid for that?" If you're really angry. "We're not going there and if you insist, you and I are going to have a real problem. Now can we get on with a real examination?" This is a good version for when you just don't have the energy to coddle them. 2-
1- "Your tip is in the ashtray." Can be used justifiably, only if it is prefaced by a detramental remark or comments from the waitperson or owner first. 2-
1- When a youngster brings up smoking. This is a good time to teach children not to take hear-say as gospel and as important, not to be part of the herd, but to think and reason for themselves, and if they haven't all the information they need to make an intelligent decision, to ask or research information, depending on the child's age. Use common sense, and remember, children understand. With a younger child; keep it simple, even if you have to make a little map-like drawing to show how items (money, research, etc.) go from one place to another and explain why. But do hit on the money trail, which will lead to the falsification and manipulation of research used, which will lead to what they're being told in school. We must be truthful with our children in regard to smoking, and use discretion when we talk about the anti-smokers and their special interest groups. Children, especially younger ones, need to be handled gently with truth, thought, and understanding. 2- Start a dialogue. Ask your child what they really think of your smoking or if a visiting child looks at you strangely or seems to become a bit uncomfortable when you light a cigarette, ask what the problem is. If they say they don't like the smell, you're on your own, but if they tell you that they don't want you to die (or something similar,) you have the golden opportunity of sitting down for a chat and telling them the truth. Note: Make sure the information you give them can be backed up. Children will very quickly lose faith in a person who gives them mis-information, no matter who it is. 3-
1- If a confrontation has started, try this one to conclude it with a win. "I'd continue this battle of wits with you, but you're obviously unarmed." You can also come to the rescue of a fellow smoker by substituting "We'd" for "I'd." 2- "I think you should clean out your own back yard; I can see there's a lot to be done there." When some one says something to you about your smoking. 3- Some one comes up to you and tells you they think smoking is a dirty, filthy habit: "I'm glad to hear that, you're too young to smoke." Or " You're not old enough to smoke." This is effective on and demeaning to adults; it's truthful to children/ teens. 4- Solicitation of contributions, in person or by mail: "Sorry, my contribution allotment has already been exhausted from contributing to Rob Reiner's Prop. 10 tax, Fed. & State taxes and the increases for the tobacco settlement. But please be sure to come back again (ask again) when those have been lifted. I'll be happy to contribute to your cause." 5-
When asked to put out your cigarette, or not to smoke:
1- "Is there anything you enjoy?" If they tell you what they enjoy: "Well, would you please stop doing
that?" 2- "Nobody asked me to stop smoking when I was in ______(name a war)________." 3- "No, but I'll defend to the death, your right to ask me." 4- "Does the smoke bother your nose job?" 5- "Is it the smoke that bothers you, or the sight of someone enjoying themselves?" 6- "Doctors say that people with sensitive noses are sexually repressed. I think I'll just keep smoking." 7- "If I put out my cigarette, you wouldn't have anything to whine about." 8- "If I put out my cigarette, it wouldn't be fair to those I've already said "no" to." 9- "I really admire people who are not afraid to be disliked." 10- "I'm only authorized to light them, not put them out." 11- "Put out that food, I'm trying to smoke." 12- "I'll bet you're looking forward to martial law." 13- "Why, are you waiting for the butt?" 14- "Can I see your I.D.?" When they say no, or are you crazy? "Then I can't grant you, your request." 15- FOR DOCTORS: "You certainly do get paid handsomely, to torment people."
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